myself never coincides with my image...

“I decide to “let drift” over my lips and in my eyes a faint smile which I mean to be “indefinable”, in which I might suggest, along with the qualities of my nature, my amused consciousness of the whole photographic ritual: I lend myself to the social game, I pose, I know, I am posing, I want you to know that I am posing, but (to square the circle) this additional message must in no way alter the precious essence of my individuality: what I am, apart from any effigy. What I want, in short, is that my (mobile) image, buffeted among a thousand shifting photographs, altering with situation and age, should always coincide with my (profound) “self”; but it is the contrary that must be said: “myself” never coincides with my image; for it is the image which is heavy, motionless, stubborn (which is why society sustains it), and “myself” which is light, divided, dispersed; like a bottle-imp, “myself” doesn’t hold still, giggling in my jar (...) (Barthes, Roland. Camera Lucida. New York: Hill and Wang, 2010 [1980] pp. 11-12)

Absolutely identified!

New Soul

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take.
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

I'm a young soul
In this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate?
Try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...

This is a happy end
'Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong?
This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit bout how to give and take.
But since I came here,
Felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

I'm a new soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...
Take take take take take... take a mistake
Take, take a mistake
Take, take a mistake
(oh oh oh oh...)
[fade out]
(oh oh oh oh...)

"When someone responds to a request by saying, Yes, I promise to do that, inshallah (if God wills), it may not be a real promise. The illocutionary intention of the speaker must be ascertained from a shrewd assessment of his past history, present circumstances, and future possibilities-- in short, nothing less than the powers of a seer will do. But if one wants a true promise, then one must somehow wring out of the respondent imanah (in God's faith). That is final. That is a firm commitment as one is likely to get." (p. 36)

Caton, Steven. "Peaks of Yemen I summon" : poetry as cultural practice in a North Yemeni tribe . Berkeley : University of California Press, 1990.

True promises and final commitment for me, please.

Imanah.

10/24/10

trois
mois
déjà

la vie, la vie...

Llegó el otoño y héme aquí luchando con el ritmo de vida de estudiante de posgrado. Aquí, tan lejos de casa. Dejar Lima era en algunos sentidos para mí liberarme de ciertas cosas. Pero una no se libera tan fácilmente, una lleva consigo todas aquellas cosas que ha ido acumulando. Y entonces la nueva ciudad y todo lo nuevo son al mismo tiempo también todo lo antiguo, lo mismo de siempre.

Y entonces soy siempre yo, con las mismas dudas y fantasmas de siempre; aquí, preguntándome qué hacer con todo esto.

In Spanish, as in French, the words for "crying" and "raining" are very similar. In English not. English is boring but today it has been raining in Cambridge.

llorar - llover
pleurer - pleuvoir

un autre triste dimanche

A pesar de que en Cieneguilla no había el sol que esperábamos, el estar juntos fue suficiente para alejarme un poco de mis males. Pero, de vuelta en Lima todo parece seguir tan gris como antes. Y yo estos días ando sintiéndome tan débil y desorientada que Lima y la rutina no me hacen bien.